I've been doing lots of thinking, how I do. And feeling a little lost. Feeling like I blend in too much, and like somehow in the last months I've lost myself a little bit. I think growing up does that. As new responsibilities arise, you shed some layers. You grow. You find new priorities. Sometimes you don't even realize you've lost something till something reminds you.
I feel like being truly connected to yourself has a funny way of affecting everything in your life. Like once that is in place, everything else just flows how it's supposed to. Like The Lord is rewarding you for honoring the self he gave you. I didn't realize I was feeling disconnected, a little passionless until a few days ago. But since then I have been trying to discover new ways to reignite some fires that have died out. I always did this in college with a new hairdo..so that may be happening soon. Who knows!
I do know that I am happy. That I lead a truly blessed life. I don't know how we have been so fortunate this past year. We sleep in. We get up, take care of our adorable son, and work with him by our side all day. Our nights are filled with rehearsal and projects that take us away. But for the most part, we do what we love and take care of our son full time. It's pretty insane. I don't think we've fully realized how truly blessed this past year has been for us, but it's incredible to look back and see The Lords hand in it all. Gently guiding us along and blessing us for our steps in the right direction.
There are some scary/unknown/exciting things in my future. LASIK surgery, sword fighting, Irish accents, renting a photography studio, to name a few. I feel like I wake up in the middle of the night when the exhaustion of the previous day has worn off and my mind immediately starts racing with doubts, fears, excitement, butterflies. I'm so tired but jittery at the same time. It's an odd middle place to be in. I am grateful for new things that can excite me like that. I've never been one to sit still for very long. My brain is always on the next thing. It drives me. Fulfills me. But also is a bit addicting. I wonder will it ever be enough? Will I be able to rest one day knowing I've completed a job well done?does it make it less fulfilling knowing that my brain is already on the next thing? Or is that just the way of life? And it's OK to be in a constant cycle of tasks...haha...now I'm wondering if I make sense at all. I didn't even know I was thinking of this many things. But, there ya go. That's my typical brain for you. Too much going on for its own good.
BUT what I was initially going to share with you was a sweet experience I had today, that was truly the highlight of my perfect day. My poor sister was up all night with her youngest son who has had the croup for a few days. He was admitted to the hospital early this morning when his breathing got particularly bad. Turns out he has three respiratory diseases:( My sis and her husband were at the hospital all day, with a closed cafeteria. So Addi and I were able to bring them a homemade thanksgiving meal, welch style (aka: the yummiest food ever) we sat outside Leo's hospital room while he slept, pulled a small rolly table to eat on, and several rolly chairs. We just sat and ate and talked for a while. No kids, just good Ole' quality time with each other. I can honestly say it was the highlight of my day. Funny how terrible things can bring to pass the sweetest silver linings.
Families are the best. We love thanksgiving :) so sad it's over. Good thing hideaway Friday wth the Besties is tomorrow!