Saturday, September 7, 2013

baby welch: the first dr's appt: a horror story.

well, now that our secret is out, it's time to play some catch up!

soooo, i don't know much about OBGYNs-or how to find a good one. apparently, there's this thing where if you're looking for a doctor to deliver your firstborn child, and look at your lady parts for 9 months, you might want to get a good one? or maybe even just talk to some people around you and see who they liked? yeah...i didn't get that memo. my mom found my OBGYN on my insurance website-truth be told, it was the first one that popped up. my mom's a spiritual giant, how could her instinct go wrong?

well, i will tell you how.

we're driving along, on the way to my 8 week appt. we are in this beautiful nice area, and we are 30 seconds away. we turn on the last street in our directions-the street my doctor is on. BOOM-ghetto. we pull into the "clinic" and sit in the car for a second. all the "1st baby appointment!" jitters gone. I've been really excited to do this appointment and see if this baby is real, so i decide that we should go in. we walk up the flight of stairs and notice that there are bullet holes in the windows...uhhh...

people, i'm serious.

we walk in to the lobby, and the check-in window looks like it's on lock down. a big metal door has been slid shut tight across the window...so i go and knock on it? it opens up after a few seconds (maybe they were checking the video feed to make sure i wasn't dangerous?)  and Miss Cathy, the receptionist, with a gold tooth checks me in and hands me a bunch of paperwork. she shut the window after herself. we sit down for a few minutes...and i decide this isn't for me. we bolt outta there before miss cathy opens her window again. as we're walking out to the parking lot, we notice our doctors parking spot is now filled with a blue truck, and a sweet looking man is walking into the building. his scrubs say Dr. B-that must be our doctor! he didn't look so bad! we got in our car, said a little prayer. i reaaaaaally wanted to do my first appointment. and we go back in. somehow, the lobby is packed now.

we filled out the paperwork and waited for an hour. needless to say, that hour was not boring. the ladies in the lobby had a ball discussing everything under the sun. if Addison was uncomfortable about any birth control/breastfeeding/cycle-talk that my family puts him through-he was on a whole new level. quotes from this day consist of:

  • "oh, you on the pill? you gonna get pregnant."
  • (on the topic of 'c' sections) "they can take out all my insides-just take out those fallopians while they're at it-my kids are gonna kill me from the inside out anyway."
  • "oh, my baby daddy's family doesn't like that birth control"
  • first woman: "you get the IUD? you don't have a period for 3 months"
                 second woman: "oh, that'd be nice"
                 third woman: "mmm-mm! then you be bleedin' clots next time it comes!"

Addison busied himself by doing some light reading:
finally, a surly nurse with long corn rows took my vitals and asked all those awky questions. then my doctor came in for the pelvic exam.

the man we saw in the parking lot was not my doctor.

Bernie Mac is my doctor, complete with a gold scorpion chain necklace. he spoke about 3 sentences to me, and looked at me once...and that was during the pelvic exam...i even cracked a few jokes in all my vulnerability...in my paper draping they have you wear and pretend is a dress (it's not.) Bernie and surly nurse were not having it.

after we got in the car, and Addison took me out to breakfast, i was finally able to laugh about it all! pelvic exams are hard enough as it is, in the middle of Kaysville Utah, with a mormon bishop as your doctor. we couldn't help but think of our grandma Sheri, and how hard she must be laughing. she would always tell us that we needed to collect war stories to tell our kids.

i definitely felt like i had just been through war.

they also ordered me a sickle cell test...must've been a force of habit?

1 comment:

SamanthaZ said...

ahhhhhhh! that would have freaked me out to inconsolable tears. you are one brave woman.