Sunday, May 12, 2013

discoveries.

I haven't bogged in a while, mostly because I have things to say, but all of which are depressing. I don't like to write about the upsetting things in life. Not that I want everyone that reads this blog to think that my life is deceitfully blissful and positive all the time. But that it feels so real to record something, almost like giving it recordable acknowledgement gives it more power? I've decided to see this in a new light. These things are real, and instead of hiding from them, I will acknowledge them, but do my best not to dwell on them here. 

It's been a rough couple weeks. Grandma Sheri's cancer took a sudden turn for the worst, and while first given about 6 months to live, they have shortened the estimate to...mmm about a week ago... Knowing that grandma would not be cheated out of her last birthday and Mother's Day this past week, I am glad to say she is still about and smiling. I got to see her gorgeous smile today for a few seconds, and it was the highlight of my week. It is truly baffling to be so far away. I don't know if my brain has, or will process this for a long time to come. We have decided to come out to Utah for the "graduation party"-as Sheri is now referring to it! But it is so hard to not hop on a plane right now to give her one last squeeze. I am just so grateful for every minute I had living with them during our marriage. Her generosity floored me every day, and her living advice and support has shaped who I am, and who I strive to be. I adore her.

I feel like I've been living under a cloud this last week. Just an odd disconnected shell. A few things have added up to my feeling this way, but I don't think I even realized the full extent until tonight. Let's just say, I am so grateful for Priesthood blessings, and my sweet Addison.

3 comments:

TyandMar said...

Oh sweet bre and addi!! I'm so sorry about grandma. We have kept her and you guys in our prayers. Life can be so hard at times. I pray she will be able to pass peacefully to the other side. Love you guys.

Jane Anne said...

I'm sorry you have to go through this and be so far away Bre! Prayers are with you. Never hesitate to be real - I find that sadness and hard times weave a depth and beauty into life that cannot be seen otherwise. Love you!

SamanthaZ said...

I really like what you, and Jane Anne, said. It is okay to be real on the internet. I like what you said about acknowledging but not dwelling - that sums up my feelings perfectly.