Tuesday, November 15, 2011

my dear friends.

What is that point in your marriage when you figure out that you've been doing that "newlywed hermit thing" that you promised yourself you wouldn't do? I think it should have a name. I'm sure it's different for all couples, and I know some who never recognize it or recover. I always promised myself I wouldn't do that because it was so lame...now looking back-it really is inevitable and I think recommended for a happy first year of marriage. There's a lot to figure out this first year!!

Mine hit about 2 months ago. Addison was gone a lot working on a sound design and I think it was the first time in almost a year we hadn't been together consecutively for hours at a time. It hit me hard-I seriously couldn't think of anyone I felt comfortable enough to call and hang out with. What a weird feeling! I couldn't believe it had been almost 10 months since I'd really thought about being a good friend to anyone but Addison-I had truly done this to myself! So I called Landon and practically begged him to come up and just be with me. After a good cry sesh-I made a few goals for myself. I was going to make a conscious effort to be a better friend. I was not going to be afraid to cook for people (a great insecurity of mine), and I wasn't going to be nervous to entertain people at my house. (In high school I was always so cautious about being the planner of anything, initiating plans-what if the plans failed? What if people didn't like to do what I liked to do? Would my failed ideas reflect badly on me? That I was a lame person? HA! It's so funny now to think of your bad self esteem and fickle friends in high school that would even think those things!) I was going to strive for all of these goals while not making Addison feel neglected, of course. I think I've made some breakthroughs :)

In the past couple months I've had friends over for brunch on Sundays, had a big roller disco birthday party, and I'm hosting a girls' night for the Xanacru/Xanadu cast. I absolutely adore my friends from Weber (past and present), and hope they know how much they mean to me. I had a great talk with my besty from high school, and we're planning dinner next week. Last night, my good friend Shelby dropped in, out of the blue, just to say hi and ended up staying the rest of the evening for dinner!

I guess, what I'm trying to say is-being married is still a struggle! You have to figure out so many new things. How to be independent while still very much dependent. How to not make people feel like the 3rd wheel. How to have married friends. How to balance friends and a marriage. How to prioritize. I'm still learning, but it's a good thing that Addi and I have such amazing friends to be patient and loving with us.

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